Sage in the City
MR. Perfect In The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm said, “Man is gifted with reason; he is life being aware of itself; he has awareness of himself, of his fellow man, of his past, and of the possibilities of his future.” Well, obviously this German Philosopher was not referring to men of the new millennium. As I live, breath and date in the South I ponder about Mr. Fromm’s quote “Man is gifted with reason.”
The sun was shining, the birds were singing, bells were ringing and I was being seated at this fabulous restaurant for my 30th birthday lunch with my new boyfriend. I was with one of the most handsome southern gentleman I have ever seen. He could’ve been a J.Crew model—his loden colored roll neck sweater brought out all of the emerald green from his eyes. His heart shaped lips would make Matt Damon jealous. His curly chestnut hair framed his handsome face in my eyes, perfectly. Did I mention that this guy was handsome?
He wasn’t really a new boyfriend. I had known this man since the 9th grade. Here we were, bumping into each other years later at a wine tasting. We caught up and he told me about his time in the Peace Corps, while I regaled him with stories from my four tours of duty in Los Angeles. We were pleased at how kindly the years had treated us and that we weren’t in committed relationships. There was undeniable physical attraction. I was enjoying myself and growing more and more pleased to have bumped into him—I was also enjoying the wine. We then proceeded to bump into each other in the bathroom stall, a dark alley and again, in the front seat of his car. Not a normal night for me. Perhaps this man was gifted in knowing his possibilities of his future with me?
After a few weeks of bliss and tremendous titillation I was sure. So, on my way to my fabulous birthday lunch, I knew this Mr. Perfect had to be “the one” when he looked into my eyes and said to me: “I lied, about you dating the other men.” As I choked on my seared tuna (with wasabi mashed potatoes on the side), I said, “Excuse, me?’’
“I’m not alright with you dating other men. You see, I’ve been giving us some thought. I want you to know: I only want you to be with me. I’m not going to run away from this relationship. I want you to teach me yoga and I want to run that 5k you mentioned. I want to go to that B ’n’ B in North Carolina. I knew this because after I sleep with a woman, the first thing I want to do is leave. I usually feel uncomfortable; I need my space. But, with you, I did not want you to leave and I wanted to be with you,” he seemed to genuinely explain.
He smiled, raised his champagne and signaled me to raise my mine and said, “You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you? I’m going to make you very happy. Happy 30th birthday.” He leaned in to kiss me with those Matt Damon lips, and I melted faster than butter on a hot cast iron skillet.
Although lunch had proven to be everything I could want and more, later that night I was concerned that my new beau “who was going to make me very happy” had yet to call. He was also late to pick me up for my 30th birthday event that my best friends were throwing in my honor. Since it was thirty minutes past eight and the party commenced at eight, I began to do what any woman turning 30 would do…cry.
He never explained why he stood me up. He never explained why he never returned my Al Green and Billie Holiday cd’s. In fact, he never called at all. Ever. Again. Was this what Erich Fromm meant that man is gifted with reason? Is it “gifted reason” for a man to tell a woman on her 30th birthday all she ever wanted to hear from a J.Crew model and then humiliate her among all of her closest friends at her party? Was this a man that had “awareness of himself and the possibilities of his future”? Or was this an oblivious man on Prozac who should be committed for telling outrageous lies?
A year later I ran into a woman who knew that particular Mr.Perfect. She asked, “So, what happened to what’s his face? Has he come out of the closest yet? He’s gay, right?”
I gave a half-smile, shook my head and thought to myself, “Well, I’ve always depended on the kindness of strangers.”
Welcome to my world. Stay tuned for more SageInTheCity….
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